Coffeesexual, Cof-fee-sex-u-al
A disorder of the highest magnitude
A person who shows symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder and deviant behavior in relation to making coffee. Symptoms usually persist for up to 6 months at a time (or however long the harvest season lasts) but may persist indefinitely post crop.
Symptoms may include the following:
- Excessive thoughts about coffee, making coffee and related material
- Disproportionate spending of income on coffee related items including but not limited to: new grinders, new coffee machines, tampers, WDT tools, non-performance enhancing tools like OCD, COE coffee lots, cups, books, videos etc.
- Aimless mind wandering while making coffee
- Losing track of time while on a coffee machine
- Meticulously logging every single coffee
- Developing a fever from obsessions over lever machines
- Physical symptoms of withdrawal during long absences of coffee / coffee making or even coffee discussions online.
In addition to these, coffeesexuals will also forgo food and/or sex in favor of “quality time” with their coffee equipment and often transcend into deviant coffee behavior including but not limited to the following:
- Coffee thoughts and behaviors involving the use of a coffee
- Association of coffee related items with all other items in the world
- Fetishes involving the use of gear such as tampers, portafilters, filter baskets and cups for everyday life.
- Fetishes involving any number of water recipes used in coffee brewing especially those in which the water is made from distilled water. This particular subgroup of water obsessed often measure the hardness of all the water they encounter in their day to day lives.
Coffeesexuals are unique in that they are aware of their condition and even pleased by it. Despite the fact that being a coffeesexual may have an adverse impact on health, family, work and social life, most coffeesexuals do not seek treatment.
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Further readings of mine:
My Second Book: Advanced Espresso
My First Book: Engineering Better Espresso
